I heard this lovely story on NPR this morning. And, so I went digging to find out more about the series it comes from. I’m into reading about, and celebrating, the creation of one’s own story.

And although we may not be aware of it, each of us thinks of our life as if it were a story in the making.
“You’re constantly rearranging the narrative of your life,” says Antonio Damasio, a behavioral neurologist from the University of Southern California and author of the upcoming book Self Comes to Mind, which is about how our sense of story influences our lives. “And you’re rearranging as a function of the experiences that you have had and as what you imagine your experiences in the future ought to be.”

I hope today, you are writing the story of your own vida, amigos.

“You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand.” — Irene C. Kassorla

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Coming to America – My Story
2. Del Alma: Are You Indispensable?
3. Your Story, Legal Aliens and Mazel Tov, Mis Amigos

Please click on the headline to see five videos of inspiration.

There is no failure.

I believe that in my marrow.

As a journalist, I spent nearly two decades interviewing people who took chances, changed the course of their lives. They built businesses, left it all and moved to the islands, left cruddy partners, invented something new.

Even the ones who struck out on an attempt, though, carried something with them from the experience that led to something new.

When I launched Los Pollitos Dicen in 2005, a smart friend in business said something like: “What if it doesn’t work? For the price of a used car, you’ll have an answer…and an education.”

Los Pollitos has enriched my life, and for sure it has led to other ventures and connections — without making me monetarily rich, which it was supposed to do. But, going from journalist to business owner and blogger — my personal reinvention — has filled my spirit and brought new ventures — ventures I could not have dreamed up for myself.

I talk about Reinvention in my Yahoo! Shine interview, as do the other women featured here.

As you watch them, consider the questions:

• What do you want?
• What are you doing to make your want happen?

As Roxana says in her interview: “No tengas miedo!”

Roxana Soto, Spanglish Baby (interview in Spanish)

Li, La Licenciada, of Her Deep Thoughts

Angelica Perez-Litwin, Ask La Comadre on Tiki Tiki Blog and publisher of Modern Familia

Yvonne Condes, Yvonne in LA.

Carrie. Yo! Presente!

And by the way, check out this week’s wonderful giveaway of Viva Greetings, a line of Spanish and bilingual greeting cards.

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. I Say Autobus, You Say Guagua
2. Latina Blog Awards and the Tiki Tiki Census
3. Stories, Studies and Un Poco Loco

Dear Comadre,

I don’t know how to say this without feeling ashamed and horrible. I am in love with and dating a married man. To make matters worse, I knew from the very beginning that he was married — I can’t say I didn’t know. I don’t understand why I have chosen to live this lie. I have a college degree from one of the best universities in this country and I am about to complete a law degree. I’m smart, but here I am, feeling so stupid. What keeps me coming back to him is the fact that he makes me feel beautiful. I have struggled with weight issues most of my life and I have never had anyone make me feel the way he does. I am smart enough to know that this man is giving me the attention I haven’t had, but I can’t seem to put an end to this relationship. Because he is married, I have had to keep this relationship secret from my mother and my sister, with whom I have a very close relationship. My sister is my best friend and, yet, I can’t tell her this. She’d be so disappointed. Sometimes I feel strong enough to end it, but other times I am hoping he will end his relationship with his wife, especially since they don’t have any children (yet). What should I do?

In Love With the Wrong Man

Dear In Love With the Wrong Man,

You are intelligent enough to know the conscious reasons why you are with this man. But in these situations, it is also important to consider other more unconscious reasons for being with a marido prestado (borrowed man). Women who engage in relationships with married man are not very different from the man they are dating. These women have difficulties with commitment (hence, they date married men), are emotionally-confused, and tend to have low self-confidence. Living a fantasy is less threatening than having a committed relationship with the usual ups and downs.

My usual question to women who date married men are the following: Don’t you think you deserve a man all to yourself? Why share? Are you willing to put up with the secretive lifestyle that dating this man will involve? Are you willing to spend holidays alone? And be willing to wait until he’s available to come to you? Are you willing to be with a man who might not be there for your when you get sick or need his support? Are you willing to be with someone you can’t introduce to your family, or walk freely holding hands down the street? If you are willing to put up with all this, then I urge you to speak to a counselor about this and dig deeper into the limiting thoughts that are keeping you from making a good decision for yourself.

Suerte,

La Comadre

La Comadre, Angelica Perez-Litwin, founder and writer of ModernFamilia, is a Certified Professional Life Coach and has a Family Life Coaching practice. She has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and over 15 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and counselor.

Her Tiki Tiki column runs every other Tuesday. Email your questions to: ModernFamilia@gmail.com

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Ask La Comadre: My Husband Doesn’t Share His Feelings
2. Ask La Comadre: Sleeping separately y happy
3. Ask La Comadre: My Tween Boy and Fighting Girls

Dear Comadre,
My 11-year-old son just started middle school this year. He’s always been an extremely well-mannered and mature child and for this reason, tends to be friends with girls. He says the other boys are “gross, rude and childish”. Well, being friends with girls was a fine solution up until this year. I suppose the girls are going through “the change” because they’ve become much more prone to outbursts, drama, back-stabbing, crying, and just out-right mean behavior. My son has been in the middle of this all year as the girls fight and become friends again, over and over, always pulling him into the middle of it. He’s very frustrated because his friends are acting so different and no matter how much he tries to counsel them, they’re back at it the very next day. He’s starting to feel lonely. What sort of advice can I give him?
Concerned Mami

Dear Concerned Mami,
Great question! First of all, congratulations on having your 11-year-old son come to you to discuss and process these experiences. So, how should you advice him?

First, I would try to contextualize things and avoid generalizations. You can begin by letting him know that adolescence can be tough a time for both boys and girls for many reasons. This is a time when teens are trying to figure out a lot of things (e.g., who they are, who to hang out with). In addition, there are real changes going on in their bodies that can affect how teens feel and react to certain situations. One of the most common experiences in adolescence is feeling insecure and confused.

I would explain to your son that perhaps his female friends are feeling insecure with other female peers, and are having a hard expressing that insecurity. This can lead to them acting in ways that are out of character for them. You should also remind him, however, that this can also happen to boys, but that it may not happen in the same way.

Last, let him know that many of these behaviors can be temporary, and that his real friends will come around in due time. I would praise him for being so mindful about his friends, and would encourage him to continue to have these types of discussions with you.

Great job, mom!

La Comadre

La Comadre, Angelica Perez-Litwin, founder and writer of ModernFamilia, is a Certified Professional Life Coach and has a Family Life Coaching practice. She has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and over 15 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and counselor. Email your questions to: ModernFamilia@gmail.com

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Ask La Comadre: Sleeping separately y happy
2. Ask La Comadre: Parenting and Divorce
3. Ask La Comadre: My Husband Doesn’t Share His Feelings

Punta Carretas, Montevideo, Uruguay

The del alma is about giving you space – a place to reflect, think, get inspired…smile.

We present beautiful pictures depicting the Americas and Latino culture, plus inspirational quotes and essays we hope offer you a moment to yourself. These posts get little, or no, comment but your survey notes this Spring told us you look forward to them. We appreciate that.

In the last few weeks, the del alma section welcomed Angelica Perez-Litwin, a family therapist and life coach, and we crowned her La Comadre. She is here to offer free advice to the hermanas — y hermanos — of the Tiki Tiki. The goal: To create strong families and independent personas…to live “del alma.”

Here are a few of our favorite del almas:

Random Acts of Bondad

Prayer for Ruins

Gracias a la Vida

Look Up

Reach High and Dream Deep

Ed. Note: The Tiki Tiki Blog turned a year in May 2010. This week, we take a look back at the best of the Tiki Tiki. Please take a moment to comment and share these posts with your friends.

If you would like to submit an essay, photo or favorite quote to del alma, please e-mail us at info @ tikitikiblog.com.

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Del Alma: For The Joy of It
2. Random Acts of Bondad
3. A Year of Comida

Dear Comadre,

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Introducing Your New Comadre, the Family Coach
2. Ask La Comadre: Sleeping separately y happy
3. Ask La Comadre: “I’m a frustrated hija. Help.”

by Jesus Solana in Andalusia, Spain.

“I do it for the joy it brings, ’cause I’m a joyful girl. ‘Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world.” — Ani Difranco, singer.

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Del Alma: Begin and Continue
2. Del Alma: Dia de Los Muertos
3. Del Alma: I Believe in Imagination

Dear Comadre,

I am an American-born Latina married to an American man. I hold nothing back, he holds everything back. After nearly 20 years of marriage, I am a little cansada of asking him how he feels and asking him to be honest about what is in his heart. He usually refuses to admit anything is wrong, but his actions — he isolates, gets gruff in tone — and my gut tell me otherwise. He is a good man and a good father, but like I said, I am tired of asking him to share and feel emotionally distant from him right now.

So, how does one live with a person so emotionally different? Am I supposed to learn to let things go more? Or, is it my job in this relationship to push for the betterment of it?

La Cansada

Dear Cansada,

This is such a common struggle for many women who are in relationships, but, I’m sorry to break it to you: Often times, this is more about us, than about our man. Here me out, here. Have you ever asked yourself why you need to know what your husband is feeling or thinking? What are you afraid of not knowing? What’s your fear? Are you afraid he’s feeling something really bad (e.g., anger, depression, frustration — with himself, you, the marriage)? And if that were to be the case, what’s the worst thing that could happen if he was feeling these really bad feelings? Are you afraid he might leave? Abandon you? Are you desperately trying to prevent or control something bad from happening? Where does that fear come from?

These are all good questions to ask ourselves, so that we can gain insight into how our “stuff” can get in the way. Sometimes it’s a control issue, and sometimes it comes from growing up as the family’s problem-solver, the go-to person, the one who prevents bad things from happening…as it is the case with many smart, strong-minded second generation Latinas — who are commonly the connectors, the cultural bridge, the life navigators for others.

You also mentioned on your question that you “hold nothing back, he holds everything back.” I wonder how you deliver your expressions…what types of emotions do you use. Are you angry, loud, upset? Self-expression is hugely important, but we do need to monitor our delivery, especially when self-expression doesn’t come naturally for the other person. If you want a conversation, you will need to provide a safe and comfortable opportunity to do that.

I have a few comadre consejitos to give you my friend (and take this from someone who’s been there):

• Focus more on actions and less on words. What are his actions telling you? You say he’s a good guy, that he’s kind, that he’s a good father. Listen to that. And if he does something you don’t like or makes you feel uncomfortable, wait a little while before you confront him. Give him time. Give yourself time to reflect on your thoughts and fears.
• If you notice that he is isolating himself (as you mentioned above), give him the space to do so. But also ask yourself how are “you” isolating yourself in a different, yet, similar way. Could he, too, be feeling like you are isolating yourself from him?
• Remember that men and women feel and think very differently in many ways. Be careful not to interpret his behaviors based on how we, women, think or feel.

Suerte!

Tu Comadre

La Comadre, Angelica Perez-Litwin, founder and writer of ModernFamilia, is a Certified Professional Life Coach and has a Family Life Coaching practice. She has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and over 15 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and counselor.

Her Tiki Tiki column runs every other Tuesday. Email your questions to: ModernFamilia@gmail.com

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Ask La Comadre: Sleeping separately y happy
2. Ask La Comadre: “I’m a frustrated hija. Help.”
3. Introducing Your New Comadre, the Family Coach

“There are two rules on the spiritual path: Begin and Continue.”

~ Sufi Expression

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Del Alma: Gracias a la Vida
2. Del Alma: Claim Your Goddess

I know I spend a lot of time on my computer, but every now and then I force myself to just stop and look around.
I have a spot, too.
It’s in the corner of our bedroom.
And there I am surrounded by things I love.

The coverlet was crocheted by my great aunt in the 1920′s.
The brown wooden box on the high shelf was my Cuban grandmother’s sewing box.
The books are whatever I’m reading at the moment and my Bible, of course.
The picture is of those beautiful cherubs by the artist, Raphael,  because I hope to return to Italy one day.

I sit and think.
And read.
I write out lists.
And talk to God.
I remember my past.
I make plans for my future.
And write in my journal.
I stare out the window and listen to the birds.

Because I run a business.
Because I homeschool my kids and am with them 24/7.
Because I care for my aging mom.
Because I have so much I want to read and learn about.
Because I have so much I have to talk to God about.
Because I spend way too much time on my computer.
Because I need a place to just sit and think and just be.

In the sage words of Ferris Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Do you have a special spot? Tell me about it. Where is it? How often do you go there? Where do you go to recharge?

******* We want to know your story! Share your cuentos, videos and fotos about growing up, and living Latino, in the U.S.How to contribute to the Tiki Tiki.Come on, no seas penosa!

Un poquito mas:

1. Latinos in the hot seat, in hot spot and spotlight
2. Del Alma: Stop Screaming
3. Running on Cuban time